This next week is going to be a really hard one. Going into this fall is going to be a big change from my past two years of college life as I knew it. The decision I made to study abroad in Austria this year really changed the direction of everything I thought my college years would look like. Now I find myself not being a D1 college athlete anymore, giving up all I thought I wanted. I invested myself in running for 8 years and now its over…
One of the reasons I gave up running was because it had become a major idol in my life. It was more important than God in my life and I knew that I wasn’t happy. It is even more evident how important I had made running because of how hard it is for me to let go.
As I sit here in my childhood home, packing up to drive eight hours back to college tomorrow, I am sad because my teammates are at training camp (my favorite week of the cross country season). I can’t help but think that I made the wrong decision to quit. My teammates are my best friends and we have supported each other through a lot. I can’t help but feel as if I’ve given up on them. I feel as if I gave up on myself. I haven’t lived on campus with them for over 8 months and I feel like as I move in this week, I am moving in as a completely different person than I was before.
This year brings big change and a ton of new friends and a new schedule and a new internship and a new need for me to really trust in God’s plan and cling to His promises.
I want to go into this fall with a longing and thirst for more and more of my sweet Jesus. Please pray with me that Jesus would be enough. That Jesus would be beautiful enough and clear enough to me that nothing else in this world matters.
So even though I may not know if I made the right decision, I am going into this fall with the realization that I don’t have it all together and I need my Jesus so much more than I thought. He is good no matter what.